Sherlock. Supernatural. Merlin. Marvel. Tolkien. Harry Potter
UK

 

nerdyjock46:

Teacher: Can anyone give an example of a metaphor?

Me: *pulls out cigarette*

Teacher: Not fucking again.

vercxce:

My internet was down for 5 minutes so i went downstairs and spoke to my family

They seem like nice people

tokomon:

my favorite thing about school was sitting with your friend and flipping through a random textbook pointing at ugly pictures and saying “that’s you.”

unclefather:

My mom said “It’s easter aren’t you going to shower” I don’t care whos birthday it is. I am not going to shower.

farrahtales:

If you don’t strategically eat your food so that the last bites to go in your mouth are the tastiest look at your choices

spaceysquid:

whos planning on getting high tomorrow?? not me because im not a DISAPPOINTMENT TO JESUS

sjmoriarty:

one time i was channel surfing and i came to a scene in twilight where rob pattinson climbs up into a tree as edward cullen and i changed the channel and rob pattinson hopped out of a tree as cedric diggory from harry potter

turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

teamladsximpala:

arthurkirklandofficial:

kyriankreep:

mollyiscoolokay:

The year is 3000, my great great great grand daughter isn’t fine at all and freddos are £4 each

#the dfs sale is still on though

image

i dont know whats happening in this post

(Source: melrosedinerr)

  1. Kiss like you mean it.
  2. Remember their birthday, every year.
  3. Make them feel special, even on a monday night with a forecast of rain.
  4. Befriend their Mom, she will tell you stories that no one else can.
  5. Order each other food at restaurants, just to try something new.
  6. Shower together, you may learn to love your body, by seeing the desire and passion in your partners eyes.
  7. Leave notes when you go out for the day, it will make you feel safe.
  8. Watch the Breakfast Club, and pump up your fist in the end, even if it only happens once.
  9. Care for each other when sick, soup is the easiest thing to make.
  10. Make chocolate covered strawberries in summer simply because you can.
  11. Go fishing with their Dad, and listen to what he has to say, even if he may have trouble saying it.
  12. Give each other little presents, even if its just a rose on friday the 13th.
  13. Get angry, but forgive.
  14. Love, love with all you’ve got.

14 things to remember in a relationship (via hollowfawn)

(Source: officialdrunk)

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?

Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?

Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.

Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?

Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.

Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.

Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.

Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.

Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.

Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.

Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.

Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.

Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*

Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.

Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...

Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.

Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.

Dad: Fuck the government.

Dad: Fuck the school board.

Dad: Close the door.

Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.

Dad: I love puns.

Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.

Dad: Please shut up.

Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.

Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.

Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.

Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.

Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.

Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.

Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.

Dad: They act like I care what they think.

Dad: I hate homework.

Dad: I have decided to become a politician.

Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.